President Bush, looking for an exit strategy that will allow him to claim victory in Iraq, has turned to his wife Laura who has suggested he declare fashion war on Iraq. The idea stems from her introduction to Fashion Wars, a game played on leading online fashion magazine zoozoom.com. Having fought over 300 battles she thought it would make a sensational alternative to the ripped limbs and broken hearts of conventional warfare.

The idea quickly gathered momentum with White House watchers noticing an increase in the comings and goings of senior political advisers and leading fashionistas. In ZOOZOOM's Fashion Wars designers are pitted against each other as they fight for dominance of given trends or fashion categories. In Bush's grand vision American designers will go head-to-head in live 'runway' battles against Iraqi designers. Bush floated the idea with his security experts who indicated winning would be a slam dunk, however a spokesman for WWD (Woman's War Daily) said it wasn't that clear cut and that there were many prominent designers in Iraq ready to fight and dye.

VPL Dick Cheney, given the task of assembling the team, has said he will not discriminate against designers who openly cut on the bias - he'll apply the same "don't ask, don't tell" approach he used raising his own children. When asked where the fashion battles would take place he suggested that they be fought in Baghdad, saying we should fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here. The 31st Artillery have been renamed the 31st Atelier and will be in charge of security.

Missoni Accomplished
Bush is looking for allies abroad to join his 'Coalition of the Thrilling' and Tony Blair is said to have barked his support. Finding enough Americans to fight might be tricky; at New York Fall Fashion Week there were Turkish (Atil Kutoglu), Iranian (Pegah Anvarian), Australian (Josh Goot) and British (Sue Stemp) designers. According to the NSA (National Stylist Agency), which has been harvesting data, without warrants "A pattern has emerged."

Bush declined to nominate Donna Koran after misspelling her surname, but hoped to tap designer Duckie Brown to lead the charge. However Mr Brown recently broke his leg in a skiing accident and is set to decline the offer, believing the last thing America needs is another lame Duckie.

Pick a look and stick with it.
A number of presidential contenders have entered the fray, including Hillary Clinton who said she was for Fashion Wars in the beginning but wouldn't have been if she knew then what she knows now. She has also been accused of changing her position on a pair of Marc Jacob's pants - after initially voting for a pair of skinny grey pants she reportedly hit the back button to recast her vote in favor of the 'boyfriend' pants that were winning in the polls. Meanwhile Barack Obama has come in for criticism after claiming that beige is the new black, countering the position of some who claim that beige is in fact the new white.

Internationally the plans have been greeted with a mixture of shock and awe with the French being particularly outraged. Pierre Cardigan, Minister du Mode Français, called for a boycott of American fashion before being reminded that they didn't buy any anyway. Iraqi designers are torn; one prominent designer, who asked to remain anonymous, said "What chance have we when the very fabric of our society has been destroyed?" while others such Baby Phatwa's K'mora al-Simmons are all for it, saying "Bring 'em on!" al-Simmons, a Basra-born fashion designer, added "I want to battle Dennis Basso as we have some common ground: he designs furs, and we've been bombed back to the Stone Age!"

All American Designer Calvin Klein will launch a new 'ready to war' line in which the zippers on his men's pants will be called a freedom flies.